walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
