hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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