one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
