READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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