Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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