my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize