Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
