last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
