My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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