Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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