I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize