How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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