update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
