just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
its liver damage thursday
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
