it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
