can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
