just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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