Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Found the puke drawer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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