Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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