Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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