i jhust puked up my retainher.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
