i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize