I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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