Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
