i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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