If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
