Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
