im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
