i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
