you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
