It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
