By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
