Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
