Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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