She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
