next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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