Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
