just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
