dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize