We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
