cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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