I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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