I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
