I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
