I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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