They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I didn't notice because vodka
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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