I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it because I queefed?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My vagina is officially offended.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
