She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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