remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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