You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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