It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize