he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
