You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
