she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
