I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
