I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
