its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
