i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
