She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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