Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
