my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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