I'm going to jail i love you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
