I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
