i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your penis caused this!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
