Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
