I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
