blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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