hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
